How do you make yourself have a bit more faith in yourslef- allowing yourself to let go?
On Friday, as we did the movies, I did have fun, and it was a different experience than the filming of the other movie, but I have been noticing tons of differences in my behavior in an out of STAC. And this is not meant to hurt anyone in STAC, but yes, I am not as close to some people in STAC because of various reasons; some being us not clicking, past conflicts, some weird vibe, or whatever, but I am close to some STACies, yet, I haven't been able to open up to everyone- if you see me outside of STAC, you may see a difference. I am SO much more peppier- I constantly TALK about ANYTHING, and love to LAUGH and crack JOKES at everything/ be a DRAMA QUEEN (in a good way though)- getting sentimental/ helping others in advice. I think, in STAC I am definitely not like that, or even perceived in such a way. As far as I have been able to "perceive," I am the ninth grader, who doesn't really participate much- not talking enough with other STACies, kinda disconnected with others at time, etc. Sometimes I don't feel like what I have to say will be any good, or I might just drop lower in the eyes of many, or it may not be a good idea to interact, and etc.
I don't know if this is a lack in self-confidence, or I may be scared of making a fool of myself in front of these brilliant artists, or even feel "diiferent" than others. I am sorry, if anyone feels this to be harsh or rude or mean or hurtful- I don't maean to point this at anyone else but myself.
I don't know if this blog is a good idea or not, and I am not sure how it will be if I put myself out there, but I guess once I press "Publish Post," its out there for the World to see (well the Stac one anyways)....
That's a question that even I don't have an answer to. I guess everyone has their flaws and you just have to work yourself around them. I know that's what I'm trying to do. I think it's just the realization that everyone is different and sometimes it's for the better. And I understand the making a fool of yourself part. That's what I've always been afraid of, ever since I was really little. I've always worried that people would laugh at me and that made me feel inferior to them.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I'm trying to say is, don't worry about feeling different because it's natural. You just have to open up more, but still have control.
Bari-and Keren, and anyone else who feels similar to the way you do in this situation, as someone who's been in STAC for three years and is seen as a weirdo in my grade (most unique 2010! woohoo!), here's some advice:
ReplyDeleteJust be yourself, nobody else is better at it. If you want to say something, for goodness sake, scream it at the top of your lungs. Not everybody will like you, but what do you need them for anyway? Most of the people who voted for me for most unique probably hate me. Whatever. You don't need anybody's approval to have fun. I'd love to see you more lively in STAC, you seem like you're really smart and a lot of fun, but you're kind of hiding. If you think what you're going to say might be stupid, it's okay. The times when you say something really smart will overshadow that one not-so-smart comment.
:)
Hi Kadambari,
ReplyDeleteI for one, love having you in STAC any way you might be- happy, sad, whatever. LEt me know what I can do so that you are mainly happy.
Luke
it's hard - not knowing if it's the right decision to say something or do something, but be fearless and do it. that was a part of my new years resolution. i would never, never get on stage in public, because i didn't know what to say, or how people would react. the first time was good, the second was bad, and i didn't care what people had to say about my good and bad because i did it for myself, and that was the only thing i cared about. so, if i made a fool of myself, well, that's a personal opinion. i consider myself a fool anyways, so what else could i possibly screw up? i hope that helped, and if not, oh well, i put effort and tried to help, so that's what matters (not being rude, but proving my point!) (:
ReplyDelete